Defensive pessimism. It's a strategy of preparing for a situation by setting low expectations and then following up with an assessment of everything that may go wrong and coming up with solutions to augment them. Once full range of bad outcomes are imagined, defensive pessimists start figuring out how they'll handle them and that gives them a sense of control.
Control. That's what I instinctively want whenever a person or a situation shakes my comfort zone. I thrive on predictability and if anything varies from what I am used to, I become anxious. To gain control, I was depending on my own strength, my own power, my own predictability. That was then. It was a sour game I was playing. Yes it would be prudent to set a game plan and prepare for the worst, which is what defensive pessimism teaches. It would be a safety net to fall onto and keep anxiety out of reach. There's just one glitch - I had myself to blame all the time, and that's when self-pity, self-blaming, worry and all the negative emotions I tend to shun come in and have a grand party in my mind.
So scrap that defensive pessimism. It doesn't work for me. Here's an Oath to Myself that I will live by from this day forward:
I refuse to think that being prepared is in the works of my hands, instead I choose to believe that God is in control all the time, Him working through me and not the other way around.
I will not relinquish my birthright as a wonderful creation and enjoy all the privileges of being joyful and loving.
I will not give in to the pressures of this world. I have God on my side, what shall I fear?
I delete the concept of exhaustion and tiredness because in Love's vocabulary these are non-existent.
I beg to disagree that bad things happen because it is a form of sanction or payback for past wrongdoings. They are just blessings in disguise and unlearned lessons, so I will learn fast and move on.
I rebuff the idea that I am limited. My potentials are God-given and if I just give glory back to Him in everything I do, I am limitless.
I will not stop from believing that I am blessed and it is my divine duty to be a blessing to others.
I will never cease being grateful especially now that I have the most amazing and awesome person to spend life with. The one person who makes life meaningful and purposeful. The only one with whom I did not hesitate to bare my soul to. The perfect Uni for me.