Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Taking the plunge

It's for this reason that I chose to jump in..

The wacky family I have the joy of sharing moments with.

Witnessing their zest for life and having the creative talents to entertain themselves..

Even when we just laze around on a delightful afternoon..

And Pio having fun entertaining himself, too.

I'm sure there'll be a lot more adventure in store, and I'm but happy to be a part of them.

You rock guys! Si mamu naiwan sa pictorial, patalunin din next time :-)

And to Pat and Kang.. tan tan tanan - Here's cheering you on on your upcoming big day!

And of course Balbs, I'll be your #1 die hard supporter, mesmerize them with your musical piano arrangement. And here's to remind you of how I've been praying for you with Reverend Pink's help.. hahaha..peace!

Monday, February 23, 2009


I am an optimist or at least I strive to be more often than not and it comes naturally to me to expect things will eventually get better, keeping faith up and working. But there are just some scenarios in life where uplifting words don't necessarily work its magic and it leads me to think differently. These are the times when worldly concerns get the best of me and I slide into the abyss of ambiguity.

Defensive pessimism. It's a strategy of preparing for a situation by setting low expectations and then following up with an assessment of everything that may go wrong and coming up with solutions to augment them. Once full range of bad outcomes are imagined, defensive pessimists start figuring out how they'll handle them and that gives them a sense of control.

Control. That's what I instinctively want whenever a person or a situation shakes my comfort zone. I thrive on predictability and if anything varies from what I am used to, I become anxious. To gain control, I was depending on my own strength, my own power, my own predictability. That was then. It was a sour game I was playing. Yes it would be prudent to set a game plan and prepare for the worst, which is what defensive pessimism teaches. It would be a safety net to fall onto and keep anxiety out of reach. There's just one glitch - I had myself to blame all the time, and that's when self-pity, self-blaming, worry and all the negative emotions I tend to shun come in and have a grand party in my mind.

So scrap that defensive pessimism. It doesn't work for me. Here's an Oath to Myself that I will live by from this day forward:

I refuse to think that being prepared is in the works of my hands, instead I choose to believe that God is in control all the time, Him working through me and not the other way around.

I will not relinquish my birthright as a wonderful creation and enjoy all the privileges of being joyful and loving.

I will not give in to the pressures of this world. I have God on my side, what shall I fear?

I delete the concept of exhaustion and tiredness because in Love's vocabulary these are non-existent.

I beg to disagree that bad things happen because it is a form of sanction or payback for past wrongdoings. They are just blessings in disguise and unlearned lessons, so I will learn fast and move on.

I rebuff the idea that I am limited. My potentials are God-given and if I just give glory back to Him in everything I do, I am limitless.

I will not stop from believing that I am blessed and it is my divine duty to be a blessing to others.

I will never cease being grateful especially now that I have the most amazing and awesome person to spend life with. The one person who makes life meaningful and purposeful. The only one with whom I did not hesitate to bare my soul to. The perfect Uni for me.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride, so I love you because I know no other way.” - Pablo Neruda

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Too beautiful not to share

I believe most of us suffer from being too absorbed with our mind clutter that is often brought about by an unconscious inkling for us to take on much of the drama in life. That is not to say it's bad or undesirable. It is just a given, something we have to be aware of as just part and parcel of being in relationships whether it be familial, romantic or platonic in nature.

Triggers. That is what moves us. To even care. To think. To lose ourselves. To be stressed out. To fall into a deep pit. To be bruised and knocked out. To fight back and stand up again. To regain consciousness. To be courageous and faithful. To be uplifted. To love. To be forgiving.

For a while now, I have been following this Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson and below is one of her podcasts that I transcribed because I feel it somehow encapsulates all there is to experience what we everyday hope for, that is the gift of grace, answered prayers and yes, miracles.

Forgiveness offers everything I want. This is the only way for the weight I feel emotionally in my life caused by very, very painful situations to be lifted. This is the only way and that is I forgive everybody. Forgive everybody and myself.

Begin thinking about every single person that have hurt you in your life. One of the things we want to do is to take responsibility. Unless we are talking about child abuse or victimization as a child, when it comes to your adult life, the vast majority of times, if we are honest with ourselves, we can see that even if somebody "did something to us and we get hurt," we played some part in that drama. We conspired in some way with that negative drama. We played some part, even if your part was only 10% of it. So there's always forgiveness of yourself that is involved in these situations as well.

I had the most amazing night when I just went back to so many situations where usually when a person's name would come into my mind, I would sort of get rid of the thought of that person or that situation because when I would think of it, it would cause me pain. But that night was a very illumined experience for me. I just went right into it. It was amazing. I got onto the computer and I started googling people that I wanted to know. Maybe I can write an e-mail. Maybe I can make a call. Maybe I can do something to actually take this on, to forgive and to be forgiven.

Forgiveness offers everything you want. So I'd like you to think right now about the person that you think has hurt you, that you know has hurt you, and I'm not in any way right now invalidating your pain. Betrayal happens. In a worldly sense, they might have done just that. But what I'm saying to you is your salvation lies in your capacity to forgive them. Sometimes we think, "I'm not going to forgive them, they don't deserve my forgiveness." But the Course in Miracles says that we are spiritually generous out of self-interest. What I realized that night was that my willingness to forgive people that I felt had hurt me was not for them, it was for me! It was because I don't want to carry that stuff in my life. I don't want to carry that as a kind of weight.

You know it's an interesting thing as you grow older. The positive side is you sort of "sit within yourself" more firmly, but the negative side is sometimes you're carrying it like this emotional bundle, this baggage, this weight, and the only way to have that released, the only way to give that up is to be willing to forgive everyone for every thing. To have all the Course in Miracles says, "Give all to all." And that means love as well as anything of this world. So when you forgive somebody, it's not like you're condoning what they did. Quite the opposite. You don't have to worry that the universe will not balance itself. You don't have to worry that they don't have their own karma. You don't have to worry that God is not on the case. The issue is this is about your karma. This is about your spiritual development, not theirs and as you just think about that person and are willing to see them differently.

The Course in Miracles says the Holy Spirit responds fully to your slightest invitation. If we are just willing, if even for a moment, "Dear God, I think about this person. I think they hurt me." You might think that they contributed to a personal disaster in your life, to a professional disaster, to a financial disaster. Most of us at a certain point in life can point to a few people and think, "Why, my life would have been far better for me as I understand things had I never met that person." But the more spiritually evolved you become, you realize if you hadn't met them, you would have met somebody else who'd done basically the same thing because maybe that was the lesson we needed to learn, whether it was to walk away from that before it became something terrible or if nothing else, once it became terrible, to know that if we will forgive, forgiveness offers everything we want.

It becomes another mental habit. That is what miraculous thinking is. It's not a difficult way of thinking, but it is a very different way of thinking.
And what is difficult is getting over a resistance. That resistance is because the ego is invested in blaming people. The ego is invested in attacking someone. The cornerstone thought of the ego's thinking is that someone is guilty. And so as long as you are finding someone else guilty and if you think they hurt you, "That person hurt me," on one hand you're carrying the pain of what they did to you, but also you are compounding the pain because by being so clear that they did that you, you're attacking them in your thinking. And remember who you attack, you're attacking yourself all the time because there's only one of us here.

Forgiveness offers everything you want because miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. It would be a miracle to forgive the person who hurt us. Some people who have been through terrible and hedious things are free and many people who have been through things that are not even that bad in the bigger scheme of things carry this weight and are bound by unforgiveness.

Forgiveness offers everything I want. Forgiveness means I will return to my most loving self. My most loving self is my Christ self, my true self. When I am that, when I become that, then I will attract to myself everything that reflects that. Give love, get love. Simple as that.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I woke up yesterday cluttered. I don't know why. It must be because there is something amiss on the bed or maybe because I slowly descended from the clouds after being surprised with a wonderful serenade I only imagined in my dreams, definitely topping first of the firsts in celebrating a momentous occasion. This is by the way a rewrite as the blogger dashboard magically erased what I wrote without me having it backed up. Grrr.

Anyway, I ended up obsessing on sorting paper piles in my cabinet and it did take almost a good half day of my life yesterday. Old grocery and resto receipts, billing statements, post-its, scratch notes, seminar sheets, log files, every paper that has played a role in my everyday existence. Some of the papers found their fate in the garbage as I consider them trash, useless and have fulfilled their purpose already. A lot has been categorized as recyclables, something that can still be of different use in the future and therefore kept neatly piled. A few made it to my precious logbook/planner where I keep all the essentials, a thing I'd go nuts if anybody dared rearrange.

It dawned on me how this outlet gave me such relief, feeling like I have reassessed and reorganized my life. It felt like a good vacation, being able to go through piles of unnoticed clutters and having the time to unload the rubbish I have been keeping for years.

Getting rid of junks. Keeping focused on the essentials. Travelling light.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Fade away

Like the sun setting its remaining rays of light into the sky, I wish to be your last hope in times of darkness.

As you have shone so brightly in mine, may I be your last saving grace when you feel like giving up, when everything seems like a blur, and when you come close to hating yourself at times. Please don't. I have seen you at your best and will feel privileged to see you even at your worst.

When it feels like gloom is on the verge, let's look at the crossroad. There I'm sure we will find a better track that will lead us to where we ought to be. Let's believe and hold on to miracles, never cease dreaming, keeping our fingers not crossed but palms together and held close to our hearts. I believe that's the only way He will intensely listen to our deepest desires.

You are the beam that gives the precise spark when my day seems dull. No matter how gloomy the day becomes as the sun fades away, the thought of you is always enough to bring me back to where light is. Shining. Bright. Brilliant. Dazzling.

Everything must come to an end, some good things never last, endings are beginnings, it's hard to say goodbye, The End.. I hate these lines. This is what I like no matter how corny it sounds - True love doesn't have a happy ending, because it never fades.
: - )